When you’re sick you feel like doing nothing. I’m sure you’ve been there. There’s a sense of apathy that kills motivation and a looming feeling of sickness that pushes it down further into the grave. Everything seems to be on hold until you get better. You’re in an in-between stage of a transition in your life from feeling horrible to feeling good and there is no explanation to the fogginess you feel during that between stage. You’re not sure whether to say that you’re feeling better when people ask you because, well, you’re not even sure yourself whether you are better or you’re just better than the day before. After all, feeling better today does not mean you’ll feel better than this tomorrow, right?
Isn’t that how we feel when we are spiritually dry? We know we’ve felt Jesus’ presence before but right now we cannot fathom what it was like to feel His love because we feel so spiritually distant. It’s like we’re doing things for Him for nothing, we’re praying to silence, we’re just not sure why we used to believe after all. Doubts. When we feel like that it’s much harder to pray.
I find that I pray less when I’m sick. Is it just me? Maybe it’s because I stay in bed and don’t do much anyway so praying seems like having to do something and frankly, well, I’m sick so I can’t do anything except think if it’s my last day on earth. You think I’m exaggerating? Perhaps, yes, because I’m actually not too bad. But I end up just thinking way too much instead. Being alone at home in bed seems like the perfect time to let the weird imagination and train of thought run wild. It’s a good time to let the weird brain monster run free. I wonder if this is the way great writers feel all the time. It’s a weird concept that frees the mind but also paralyzes it because it gets so overwhelming for a sick head to cope with. Sorry, I’m rambling. Back to topic.
Spiritual dryness. Yes. There are times when we feel spiritually ‘under the weather’ right? We feel like we’re doing everything for nothing, we’re praying to silence, we’re living without direction, making decisions without purpose etc. We all feel like our soul is taking a nap for a while and does not want to open the door until it feels better. But guess what? It can only feel way better when it does open the door to the one who created it after all. I mean how can a doctor make a patient feel better until s/he goes to him/her? It’s not the doctor’s fault if the patient did not come to be cured and gets way worse right?
GUESS WHAT!? Jesus – the spiritual doctor – doesn’t let his patients die – us. He doesn’t let our spiritually dry soul rot in a nap behind closed doors. He’s better than an actual doctor because He actually knows when you feel sick, and He doesn’t sit there and watch you rot. If He sees as much as a thought of yours to call Him, He knocks on the door. He knocks and asks if He can come in and cure you with His love. “What’re you waiting for?” I keep telling myself every time this happens.
“Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17
This is love. Love that comes to knock on the walls of our soul that we built up for protection from getting hurt, from experiences of insecurity, from human failure, from humiliation, from pretence. Love that comes to Earth in the form of a baby boy in a stable filled with animals and poop and the horrible breath of a cow breathing in His face. Love that goes through so much to be able to see us again as He created it to be before we messed up. Love that calls us back to cure us even if we don’t seek Him first. Love that took our sicknesses onto Himself and carried them all the way to Calvary. I don’t know any other doctor who would do that. He’s one of a kind, I can tell you that. Guess what? He’s OUR Dad. Yeah, our Father IS love, loves us unconditionally and will love us when everything is gone.
I’ve just read back through what I have written and apart from noticing that I use ‘weird’ and ‘guess what’ way too much, I also have no idea how this turned out to be about love. I was getting annoyed with myself that I didn’t have any ideas about what to write for this week’s blog post and I just wrote about a reality I’m going through. Way to go, God, you blow my mind every. single. time.
I hope this helps you as much as it helped me writing it.
Stay rad and God bless you.